I'm coming to the realization that currently, Life just really sucks for me. I feel like I'm a failure and a constance source of disappointment. It doesn't seem to matter if its work....going to school....or trying to love my ALO...I'm ALWAYS doing something to disappoint/irritate or alienate myself from those I love and care for the most, and I don't know what is wrong with me.
I truly believe that I need professional help now....for awhile I have been suspicious that I could be possibly ADD. But more recently, I am trying to accept that I'm a Relationship Addict...Addicted to Loving too much....Approval Addict. I just want to be loved so darn bad that I compromise myself and sell myself short just so I won't be rejected and left. I want to be with my ALO in the worst way that I allow him to talk to me any kind of way....even if he doesn't love me as much as I love him....its like, I will love enough for the both of us, until he can catch up to me....its pathetic if you think about it. But I have never felt this way about any other man previously .....I just want us to be able to work our issues out and be happy again. But I can't do this by myself. Guess this goes hand and hand with being a CoDependent too,huh?
I just want to be happy....and I feel like such a failure right now....other than my children....why am I really here....would anyone really care if I fell off the face of the Earth???? I find that lately, the only thing that I'm living for is my children and God....I do love my HP sooo much....but I just am tired of being sooo alone.
