I still feel there is more inside of me that needs to be let out.

There's so many things i want to tell the people who surround me, but for some reason, i stop myself.

ugh, whatever.

my mind is telling me that i do not have an addiction, that i am not an addict in any way, shape or form.

why then, does my chest tighten and my mind and emotions go on a rampage when i think about not using my drug of choice ever again?

will i have this feeling within me forever?

will this always be my automatic reaction whenever the thought flitters through my mind?

i guess ill never know until i try.

if it is indeed going to stay with me, can i deal with that? can i learn to accept it, embrace it as a part of who i am?

i think i can.

no.

i know i can.

its just going to take some time.

i am not crazy, i am not insane.

i am FEELING.

what a wonderous thing.

why did i ever use a substance to shut out any hint of real and true feelings?

they are raw, and they split open the wounds i have kept covered with my superficial bandaid.

and, even though it's painful, at least i can finally see my life through sober eyes.

and feel the things that others do.

amazing, simply amazing.

progress, not perfection.

and i would definitely say that this is progress.

F**k yeah.

just for today, i will welcome the feelings that have been strangers to me for too long with open arms.

welcome home.

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