Sometimes we all can be a bit off with each other , and sometimes we don’t even know why but you know what sometimes in life, people come along and change your whole being .
Just under 3 years ago I would say I was at the lowest point in my life, see I had the weight of the world on my shoulders and had no idea how to change all of this, I moved around from one crisis to another and most of the time I wasn’t fit in mind or body to make any proper decisions yet in the midst’s of all this turmoil came several people who were to change my life in so many ways.
Why me …well why not! Loads of people have loads of problems and deal with them every day yet I could not I was so wrapped up in me I could not see any of this I had to change and change fast I was 43 years old and I knew nothing of me my whole being was held together with the concept that I was hard done by
All I ever wanted to be was happy and I looked hard for happiness I took on board some suggestions from some friends I made people who had no ulterior motive other than to help another human being in trouble
You see my name is Thomas and I am an alcoholic and on the 28th of May 2006 I walked through the doors of A.A for the first time a broken man with no idea of what was wrong with me or even more importantly how to mend me
I had lost all my friends I had lost my wife and my children and yet I thought I had no problem with alcohol, I wasn’t able to make rational decisions and any decision I did make always lead to sorrow
When I first arrived at the meetings I had no idea of who I was let alone what I suffered from thank god I did go, I found out what I suffered from and I did start to feel better
But something deep inside was wrong this fear came back only this time I was terrified and I knew that I was on the way to drinking again only now I knew about the first drink and knew only too well what lay ahead of me, I had to do something about it I summoned all the courage I had and asked someone for help I asked him to help me through the 12 step program of recovery, man it was scary see my whole life was full of fear and this wasn’t going to be any easier and I nearly gave up but something had already changed in me and I overcame the fear and made that 3rd step and was willing to do the 4th with him and god as I understand him
I hadn’t realised how important these first steps were I hadn’t realised this was me changing I was willing and that in it’s self was a miracle
So what I do now is a change a different me , the real me sure I still have fear but some are healthy fears and others are those unknown fears that in the past I have ran away from but I have tools in my life to deal with them a set of principals I can work to
Life is never all roses’ even roses have thorns but I wouldn’t change one single thing it has made me the man I am today
I will always be grateful for what I have now and the fellowship that undoubtedly helped save me from self destruction
Thomas Cranhill thusday night group
