I went eleven days without drinking. I thought that was pretty good. We went on vacation, the first vacation with my boyfriend and his three children. I only had three drinks the whole time we were in Cali, which I thought was pretty good. I was still proud of myself, because I had convinced myself that I do not have a drinking problem. If I can go eleven days without drinking (and it was not even too hard.... once I got past the first few days) then I told myself, I am fine. UGH.
So, I worked a morning shift the other day, which is NEVER do. It was strange and weird, and beautiful, and after work all the day shift girls sat down and had a drink. And another. And another. Including me. I had not eaten anything all day since I had plans with my brother and his wife to go out to dinner, and I knew we would be going somewhere nice so I wanted to save my appetite for that. I was excited about going bowling and out to dinner with them.
But somewhere along six oclock, I forgot about dinner. The drinks were pouring and I kept saying I gotta go. I gotta go. But I didn't. I stayed there and drank and drank. My boyfriend was trying to get ahold of me, and I would not pick up the phone.
Finally, I drove down the hill, and was going to go home. But I stopped at one more bar just for one more drink. I have no clue what time it was, or what happened from then on because I have no recollection of it. I do know this, from what my boyfriend has told me. The bartender had to call him to come get me. A guy was "groping" me when my man walked into the bar (which, just to say, he could be five feet away and my boyfriend will always say that). I woke up the next morning with two black eyes, I have no recollection of getting. My boyfriend does not know how to I got the black eyes.
I am terrible disappointed in myself for blowing my brother and his wife off. I never called them to let them know I was not coming. Because I still planned to be there.
And I am terrible scared of losing my boyfriend. I do not know why he stays with me when I do stupid stuff like this. I wish I could throw myself against a wall and yell at myself to wake up. To get my act together or I am going to lose everything that is anything to me.
He is the sweetest man I have ever met. He was not mad that I went out drinking without him, just worried. And he told me that if I drink I need to make sure he is there because he won't let stuff happen to me. He will keep me safe.
Tags: Disappointed
