I AM ALIVE AND WELL TO EVERYONE WHOM I'VE MET ON THIS SITE AND DEVELOPED GREAT RELATIONSHIPS WITH!! I'M SORRY I KEEP BOPPING IN AND OUT, LIFE GETS HECTIC SOMETIMES - I KNOW I'M NOT SAYING ANYTHING NEW AM I? Well I am happy to say with all that has happened over the time I sorta went MIA and thru the hard times I've had to deal with I am still sober. I have realized something so hard though, I think I'm one of the people that you know they talk about at meetings who is clean but not in recovery. Or its put some which way like that. I mean I have changed my life it'll be 2 years soon, I don't hang with people who use or anything like that but I also haven't in the 2 years gone to meetings and I think well I know that's crippled me in growing.I honestly want to go and they even have them like a hop skip and a jump from my house twice a week which would be better than what I'm doing now right? I feel like 2 years wasted in a way but then I think 2 years drug-free so how can it be a waste? I'm not stupid I know many things about myself I can even tell when I'm in a bad spot and a slip may be in the near future but I also feel I being a smart person can grow and learn so much and I think I really need to. I right now actually am in the midst of a break-up (kinda sorta maybe just a break) with my son's father whom I've been in a relationship with for 4 and a half years and he's not a user at all (just thought I'd throw that in there) but I think even though its been 2 years since I've been clean from my relapse I know he still harbors resentments and he will NOT talk to me to anyone. UGH Why does life need to be so difficult????? I do pray that this year will be a year of growth for me personally which in turn will hopefully lead to growth in my relationships especially with my loved ones.

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