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Love in Recovery
Posted On 10/29/2008 15:19:53 by OfficeGoddess

I haven't blogged about my marriage.

Short story: My husband and I have lived a very open relationship. The past five years we have lived separately (because of his work and family issues), only seeing each other every other - or every two weekends. He lives north, over 4 hours away.

His work and his life up north has been kept separate. Although I've invited him to share in my Recovery - he tells me that I can "keep the AA thing". He's shared nothing in my recovery.

For the first time in over 10 months, we finally talked. This talk will lead us into a discussion about whether we remain married or not. We acknowledge that we share nothing in common. We know that to "move"" in with each, would destroy our friendship. Most of this knowledge came since I've been in Recovery.

He does recognize the changes in me and tells me he so proud of me. That the first time in over 14 years he can see how I am more comfortable with who I am.

I shared that I worry the grandchildren I love won't be around me. See, my daughter is actually my "step"daughter, therefore, the grandchildren are technically my "step" grandchildren. He assures me that he will not let anything change that relationship. He tells me that "if" anything happens to our marriage, that he feels I am his bestfriend and we will always share holidays and birthdays together with the grandbabies.

There's obviously more to this story - but this is the short of it...

My Recovery has caused some lifestyle changes. With those changes, many are effected. It may not be what I wanted - or expected - but, it's definitely something in God's plan as I continue to work my program.



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Viewing 1 - 5 out of 5 Comments

From: DisgruntledGurl
10/30/2008 04:46:05

I really must say that I admire your openness and courage, not to mention the aniexty of (possible) seperation and loss. However, it takes a lot of strength to end one chapter in life and move on to a new one! You have grown much since you've been here, so keep doing what is best for you!



From: DennisS
10/29/2008 23:32:47

     Your blog is a reflection of the strength and stability of your sobriety. Being able to speak of possibly painful separation issues and making serious decisions with calmness and rationality is a blessing that most would not have without the strength of a strong program. For those here that may fear that unmentionable unknown, your example is a true blessing...
YFIR,
Dennis



From: KeithB
10/29/2008 16:36:23

A wondeful share and I have a feeling the grand babies are yours as well as his! I would bet you've established the bond, and at face value, it is apparent things are better for you!

luv



From: sugarcain
10/29/2008 16:04:06

I can relate to marriage issues after getting sober some good, some bad, but it certainly changes who we are, and the way we see things.  I've gone through ups and downs in my marraige too.  Sometimes it just helps to know I'm not alone.  Thank you for sharing,  keep trusting, and keep working your program like you said, and everything will work out better than you can imagine for yourself.  I believe God is doing for us what we cannot do for ourselves.
xo Sunshine



From: Cara
10/29/2008 15:57:31

That is the worst thing about recovery, facing up the the mess you made with relationships, was for me anyway.  Sometimes when something is dead it is better to leave it behind.  I'm glad that you and your husband can be honest about the way you feel and I hope that things work out for you.  Yes, He has a plan.  And things do work out.  How did the pole dancing go? Cara





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