so, i was driving home from school and i am in my car which i just got the $150 to get a store to install a sterio and it broke 3 weeks. the arm brok and i went to the store and they said i broke it and they would not be able to get money from the warrenty cause it would not be covered. so my first thought was to call my old dealer and tell him i needed a hot sterio and just go pick one up for 30$....i didnt, i called another addict and i told him of what i was thinking and he told me dont you dare do that he asked his room mate to get me a deal at his job, and so i didnt have to do the wrong thing................and before i went to the store i had a thought flash in my head about a time when i last was out there and i wasn't using needles but i was smoking my dope and i was hanging out with my gay friend and his friend who was an older lady who 's ex was doing weekends in jail and she was pissed at him cause he was with a new lady, so then when it was time for him to get out of jail, we were there to pick him up. myself and him have a past we were friends and he helped me out and we used to shoot up and fuck, but he got kicked out of his spot.....and i was getting clean. but i had gotten clean and went out and got high again and so it was the first time i had seen him in 9 monthes. when we picked him up we had an 8ball and a rig. i wanted to not be there because i felt bad for him and i really felt hurt by doing this to him. it was one of the hardest things for me to watch and it hurt so bad to have this stick of pain, while i was driving home from school because he was trying to get his life back together, he had a job and a place to stay and he was clean for a month and i was with the people who f**ked him all off......i know that he had the choice,but i dont know if i would be able to stay clean if i was in his position. this is a huanty thing and i have to deal with this.
i want to be clean and i am clean today and i am getting ready to go to a meeting, so i just had to get this pain out of me. and write it down.
thank you for reading.
Tags: Past Reoccuring Thoughts Life On Life's Terms
