So, i am a psychology student and i have 287 days clean today! woo hoo! and i am in an interesting place right now. i have not totally had the fog lifted yet. i am just starting to relize that it doesn't matter if i am having a bad day that i still have to go to school and go threw the motions of fullfilling my commitments. and when i do, i get such a large reward of awakening. because i can accomplish what i put my mind to as long as i do the footwork! that is the main key. when i was out there getting high i had all the credits for my AA degree and i only had to fill out one peice of paper to get the darn degree and it took me a year to accomplish it. you know i was just so out there that i could not even enroll in classes and full fill my dreams because i was over powered by my disease of addiction. I understand that i did not have too much control over this part of my life and now that i am clean, i am able to be responcible for my recovery and my life.
so this class i am taking in called human development 3 adulthood to aging. i love the teacher he is so freaking cool and i think he knows alot about the program because of how he shares. i might be reading too much into this, but i think it is very cool how the holistical views of wellness and the NA program works. everyday that i have this class i feel empowered and i understand a little bit more about myself. as crazy as i am...... we watched Tuesday's with Moorie and it just set my mind right because he uses so many affirmations and spoke to me. one of my favoirte part is about the buddist use a pretend bird on your shoulder and ask it every day when they wake "Am i going to die today?" my teacher said that you can say "am i going to live today or just go threw the motions?" this is something that is very important for me because i went threw the motions when i was using, i would cop then sell or smoke it all up and then have to go find more money to cop again.... that is what everyday was about in the end and now that i dont have to live that way i want to live each day and take advantage of the fact that it is possible to do go things for myself and learn new things about myself and feel the gifts of life. this is so amazing to me. i didnt get clean to not have a good life. you know what i mean. i love life and i am learning to take a little time each day to pray, meditate or just breath and tell myself positive affermations. because guess what as long as i live for the day and put the footwork in for tomorrow i might just be around for quite a while.
so in class today we talked about people who are over 100 years old and some common factors that they all share. and how it has helped them to stay around this long. here they are: 1. optimism 2. commitment/passionalty ingaged or invoved with something 3. Mobility/ activity 4. coping with loss/adapting. And you know what i find all of these very important in my life. i bounce back and try and see the light at the end of the tunnel when i get depressed or over welhmed, i am commited to NA and my family i feel passionate about helping people(that is why i am going to school); well i have the disire to be more active and i want to loose all this weight i have accumulated over my 287days..lol; and when it comes to coping with loss, i have had alot of loss over my life and you know i am learning to cope with it in a positive manner today and i am willing to feel the pain and let it go. all these things are really interesting to me and i think i will try and to incorporate this more into my life style and grow from this.
so i know that this is really about my hurdles with school and i am sorry if i said n e thing wrong, but i really needed to write my thoughts out and i really hope to find unity and exceptance on this site because the broader the base the higher the point of freedom and i am feeling the need to spread my wings and feel some of this freedom. and you know what it is working and each day my struggles are geting easier to deal with and my thoughts of using are subsiding. i am so thankfull to the program of NA because if it wasnt without it i would be dead.
thanks for reading
smooches
keep comming back it is working cause i am working it!
Tags: School Recovery Life Happyness
