I will try to keep the focus on me.
I do what I can for my recovery and my process, because I notice the difference in me, as does everyone around me.
I remember that I didn't get involved for a while into recovery, I just floated in and out of meetings, different fellowships, not doing a single thing for myself.
Now I'm here to stay and working a program. I take the suggestions, I make meetings, I do service, I have a sponsor, I have steps in my life.
I attend at least 5 meetings a week, but usually up to 10.
I'm there from "Welcome to the.." til "..keep coming back.." I don't come late because I plan accordingly. I don't leave ANY meetings early=- I've got no where better to be. Because I was told that meeting makers make it. So I MAKE meetings. I'm the first there, the last to leave, and proving to be (despite my will and my best thinking) a power of example to others, new and old.
A girl that's early in recovery, had 8 months and relapsed, comes to me one night and says she wants to get involved in service, I suggest she come to one of the groups I chair and we'll figure it out. I brought the other trusted servants together for a group conscious on this (she asked me after the elections). She's voted in to do coffee. She shows up late for the first time. She shows up on time the second time and does great. She doesn't show up the third time. She doesn't show up the fourth time.
I put up a poll on this site, and this is for me to be reminded of, as well as something others may need to be reminded about. Service work is inclusive, and not exclusive,
but most groups are autonomous, and we have a policy about not showing up for a service commitment twice in a row, loosing the commitment.
She came to me and apologized profusely and said she still wants the commitment. With her gone twice, we voted another guy in to do coffee- and he's doing great.
I feel I went above and beyond. I and other trusted servants discussed and created a position for her, so she can continue to participate- Policy is that the chairperson is the one who sets up the literature, now I bring the carton up to the room and she sets it up- just putting out pamphlets mainly. She was also told to break it down too and clean up the room after.
I see she's been making an effort to show up and do this. She has not done the latter half of the job at all, even when being reminded (kindly)
and last night she did not show up at all.
I keep it on me because I know I did the right thing for the right reason, I tried to bring her in to a supportive group that I understood she could make on a regular basis, and get her involved, learning about the service structure of this fellowship which I proudly do service for.
But like I explained at first about what my meeting attendance is like- not to say I'm such a good recovering addict- I'm saying I don't know any other way of doing this.
I don't know how to not show up- I knew how to show up for the dealer on time, usually early- so I know how to show up to meetings on time or early.
When I was the dealer- you guys never left early- so I never leave early.
I know what I'm dealing with here, the disease of addiction within me-
this will take my life if I let it. Just for today I will not let it.
I'm frustrated, and a little hurt that she's abandoning this position- mainly after what I did- other members were getting a little tired of me insisting, 'comon, isn't there something we can do?' because I know how important service is for the group and for the individual. Many have said that coffee commitment is what kept them clean in the beginning. And ultimately I was putting the primary purpose first.
What pisses me off even more is that she called me the night before about something, I'm not gonna say here for her protection, nothing grave, I know her sponsor and I suggested she call her sponsor and so on- and she said- I'll see you tomorrow.
I'm sure there's some excuse, but its common practice that if your not gonna show up that you let someone know ahead of time.
I'm not responsible for her disease, nor am I responsible for her recovery. All I can do is say to her, this is how I did it, and this is how I do it.
I'm responsible for my recovery and I don't take it for granted. Every single day is a gift that I truly did not deserve. Its only through His mercy that I'm still here to type this now, to live this- the last part of our message, "new way of life"
thanks for letting me type
Addict seeking Recovery, my name is Thom
"human being, not human doing"
