As many of you have seen, I've been weening myself off of this site, gradually but surely. I think as I'm coming to the end of my recovery, I'm feeling more like I can handle myself, and less that I have to vent about or do. Sure, I'm available to help others...but I feel sure of myself and know that I can get to the places where I need to be. I have a pretty clear path, and I'm anxious for it.
Went job-hunting and picked up applications for four places. Already settled out for college...rather, settling out. I'm still nervous about the social aspect, but the academic portion and the plan is set up. I keep on returning to the thought that I won't connect with anyone. Same thing with future co-workers, but no matter. I know I need to make money and I know I need to raise my GPA...that's all that's set up for me. Whether I'll make friends or not, I'm not sure. Advising people is one thing, not being charming...that's a whole 'nother 'ball game'.
School's coming up...my birthday's coming up...I'm just scared of feeling depressed and ending up lonely with no real friends in school. I don't know...I'm just really tired for now. Tired of the BS and self-abuse I dealt with a few days ago...and now the overwhelming pressure to be at the top...when I sometimes feel down in the pits. So, what to do?
Give life Hell until I get to where I need to be.
Take Life by the throat...strangle it...and set it up so that I'm in the place where I feel safe and sound in all my ventures.
Yes, I realize that sounds weird. But in metaphorical terms, it all makes sense.
Well, time for sleep.
Blessings for all,
+R
