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how much?
Posted On 08/26/2008 13:55:42 by critical

I had a very "productive" day yesterday.Made some money,talked to my older boy about himself,went to my first meeting in months,got a noob chip(again),had group marriage counselling,was proactive about making reservations for a nice Japanese restaurant to take my wife to,went out for espresso & ice cream after,talked with her about fears & desires on the drive home,asked her to stay with me in my room and she accepted,cuddled and slept.
Whew! Now I am concerned about doing so much.It flowed well throughout the day and I enjoyed myself a lot,it did not seem like anything was forced or like I was striving to do it for any reason other than being in the present moment.One of my issues is taking on too much at once(always saying "yes I can do that,I will be there to help,I will TRY to do that for you)and then not being able to do any one thing well.How can I figure out what my wants/needs are if I am trying to fix other people all the time?

Especially if they dont want to or cant accept my fixing?Who died and made me king?I am noticing how controlling I am because of how little control I have over myself.I  am really  finding out a lot about my conditioned responses working with our therapist.I am glad about my wife giving me these chances,I am sad that I need them,I am mad about the time I have wasted,I am scared that I am going to mess it up again.

But,I am going to keep living for this moment,not the past or the future,and I will be hopeful that I can maintain my growth.

Peace,Donovan



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Viewing 1 - 6 out of 6 Comments

From: DisgruntledGurl
08/28/2008 02:57:27

Weird, that after having read this, is something I could have written myself ...when it comes to being "full of myself" that is..:P Only I no longer view it as time wasted, but rather something I had to experience in order for me to grow - up. Sure, I'm going to screw up, and have many, many times already. I am human after all. Even then, it is reassuring that "this too shall pass" and just be willing to pick myself up and keep going. Just remember that it's about progress. Not perfection.



From: DennisS
08/26/2008 21:34:42

Donovan -
    It's great that you had a productive day - save the chip and savor the wonderful memories. I carry a 24 hour chip in my pocket all the time - just to remind me where I came from - and how far away it really is.
    Whoops! "How can I figure out what my wants/needs are if I am trying to fix other people all the time?". Been there, done that. The second part of the first step - "...that our lives had become unmanageable". If we can't control ourselves, we surely have little good we can do for others. Work on yourself. If that is done well, the rest will fall into place. People will notice that you are there when they need you, things that used to baffle you will become obvious. Remember the Promises.
     We men are fixers, we have to fix everything - but ourselves. I found out that most things were broken around me because I was broken. Once I got me on track, many of the things that looked broken really weren't. So much for my perception.
     Stay in the moment my friend, you can't go wrong...
YFIR,
Dennis

From: jd
08/26/2008 19:41:48

enjoy the day...whatever it may bring.  whether it be busy w/ the above, the tackle of endless todo's or to just sit and be still w/ your HP. 

i struggle w/ balance on occasion.  it does all work out if i have an honest desire to put some effort into it.  even if it's just to sit.  now that is hard.

still growing everyday.  may our roots be deep and we bear much fruit.  :)

From: Just42Day
08/26/2008 19:40:50

Good to read your thoughts.
 At the risk of sounding repetative...My Sponsor says to me all the time.... "Practice,Practice,Practice" to the things behaviors, tendencies, thoughts, deffects etc that I want so badly to be removed from me NOW, YESTERDAY ASAP. Basically, all the things that caused me and others pain that got me to the Halls. 

LOL, I gotta laugh at myself cuz I want it yesterday!!  Then she says to me..."Hell girl it's a miracle we're here today!!...let's bask in that, take a big breath and keep practicing! The Days will take care of themselves."  

Thank God she, my Sisters & Brothers who share are here to remind me. Thanks Donovan. Reading your honesty about being aware of yourself is just what I needed today. I'm gonna just Keep on Keepin on! 
Peace and Many Blessings unto you and yours! Amy Sue



From: godluvsall
08/26/2008 17:53:37

Proud of you! 



From: Isiah491421
08/26/2008 14:06:35

Well done for all that you have mentioned here. One of the things which helps me immensely in recovery is the concept of being in the moment. My experience shows me that this is the most contented and productive way for me to live my life so I shall continue to pull myself back into the moment again and again and again...

All we have is NOW so we might as well make the most of it!

Love and Peace
Angela 

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