You should always
be aware that your
head creates
your world.
I'm having one of those days where everything seems to be a struggle. Restless, irritable and discontent seems to be a very succinct description.
I slept much later than I usually do. It is in the morning hours, if I am still sleeping, that I have the most vivid dreams. I was dreaming that I used. I rationalized to myself, in the dream, that eating hash wasn't the same as smoking and therefore not really using, so I ate a big chunk. Then my dream was full of a theme which is re-occurring for me. I'm trying to do something and things keep getting in the way and hindering me. When I ask people for help, they all seem to be against me, joined together in a conspiracy to trip me up. Not a pleasant dream.
I got up and felt overwhelmed by the day. I have two weeks holiday now, though I am not going anywhere. I felt disatisfied with this because it's like, what do I do now? There's no pleasing me sometimes!
I keep trying to start the day over and will continue to do so. I've been cursing loudly and and getting very angry at the objects around me. Luckily, I don't live with anyone!!! Three flies were driving me mad and in my haste to get the spray to deter them, I knocked my glass off the table, which was full of water, and it smashed into tiny pieces. Something else for me to clean up.
Outside, everyone that I see somehow gets on my nerves and my inner dialogue is far from loving! Oh well, this too shall pass!
I went to the pharmacy to get my vitamins/minerals. A few years back, I used to go to this pharmacy every day to get my methadone. I was overweight at the time, and clinically depressed. A very dark time in my life. Today, as I paid for my purchases, the girl working there asked me if I was still living in the area. She said that she hardly recognized me. I remarked that I had no more need to be in every day and that now, all I need from them are my vitamins. She gave me a lovely warm smile, expressed some encouraging words and her pleasure at seeing me looking so well. This was a very uplifting little experience for me. I might not be having one of my best days today, but I HAVE come a very long way.
My worst day today is better than my best day then, that's for sure.
Thank you for keeping me clean and sober today
Peace be with you all
Tags: Progress
