So.....yesterday was my first Alanon meeting. I left there with so much determination, so much conviction that I was on a new path that would lead me out of the craziness. Huh.
   Today my alcoholic, bipolar friend had a doctors appointment, psych, which he really, really needed. I knew that if I didn't call him to remind him of the appointment, he would not remember. Sure enough, he not only didn't remember the appointment, he didn't even know what day today was. It should have tipped me off that he didn't know what WEEK this was. Honest. Well, I offered to take him to the VA hospital, thinking that if I took him, I could make sure he would see the doctor, pick up his meds, and get him safely back home. When I got to his house, with plenty of time to get to the appointment, I soon realized that he was drunk, too far gone to stand up. Self-medicating, replacing the meds he normally takes for mangled arm, shoulder, and knees. It took me over an hour to talk him into going, by that time we missed the appointment, but I figured maybe he could see SOME doctor, get some bona fide meds, maybe even check into the psych ward for a couple of days. When we got to the hospital, he finally realized what time it was and several times made the comment that he shouldn't have waited for me, he should have gotten there on his own!!! He had totally forgotten that he was too drunk to stand and unwilling to go to the doctor when I arrived at his house. Missing the appointment was all my fault. According to him. We spent the next 90 minutes going from doctors office to pharmacy to doctors office to pharmacy, with him not being able to stay in one spot for more than ten minutes, often popping out to a smoking area where he would smoke AND sell packs of cigarettes to other patients, therebye raising beer money, which was in his plans all along. After reaching the doctor on the phone, he convinced the doctor that if he didn't get some meds soon, he was going to do physical damage to SOMEONE, the doctor prescribed a bottle of gabapentine--used for pain and anxiety. Within minutes after recieving the bottle of pills, my friend zipped into the men's bathroom to take some of the pills. He still had not SEEN the doctor, only talked to him on the phone. Within about 20 minutes, my friend was urging me to go home, leave him at the VA hospital, which I was suspecting was his agenda all along. At the VA hospital, for about $20. , you can buy just about any drug you desire, and plenty of "brothers" to hide you somewhere in the building while you trip. Oh, the things I've learned in the last two months! Once the pills kicked in, he quickly showed me that he could now outrun me, and knew of dozens of places in the many buildings in which to hide. Again he urged me to go home, and this time I did. As I headed to my car, I could see him heading across the parking lot to the liquor store for beer. You know, at this point, I just didn't care. There was no way I could stop him. HELL, I BROUGHT him there! When I got home, there was a message on my machine from him. He bragged that he took about 30 pills and was flying. He said he had about 6 pills left. I called him and asked what he would do when he ran out of pills. He said he would go to the emergency room and they would have to treat him. What a coniver. And me---what an enabler. The best of intentions gone awry. How does someone NOT get sucked up into this? And you know what's really sad? When he is off drugs and booze, properly on his bipolar meds, he's the sweetest guy, you just wouldn't believe it's the same man. What can I say? I failed myself and him. Do I have to tell him to stand or fall on his own? Today has broken my heart. Today I failed at "Detachment". Tomorrow I start all over again. From the beginning. Till I get it right. I need some prayers tonight.
