The measure of mental health
is the disposition to find good
everywhere.
I just had two days off and today I go back to work. There is a definite shift in my attitude. I find myself feeling very calm this morning and even have an expectant aticipation about today. I think I will have an enjoyable day and I'm looking forward to seeing my work collegue again, who's very nice. I haven't seen her since last Friday week.
My mental health? Since I've been in recovery, one of my ways to deal with any anxiety I have especially concerning human interactions, where a lot of my fears are centred, is to ask myself "What's the loving thing to do or say?".
This is a far cry from what I used to be like. For many years I was so mistrustful of people, I hated everyone. I just had to look at people and have instant negative judgements about them. I've heard people in the program refer to this as their "head radio" and my radio was commentating continously.
I remember a day, about thirteen years ago, during a visit to my parent home. I sat at the kitchen table and said to my mother that I felt evil. This is a strong word to use and the only one that sprang to mind to describe my inner self. All the light was gone from me - all of it - and I really did feel myself to be evil. Mother just told me to read my bible. I think from that time on I did start searching in the bible for some answers, for some help. When I was ready, God gave me AA.
I now feel full of light quite frequently. Thanks to all I have learned in the rooms, and making a repeated daily effort, praying (now meditating) and reading my meditation books every morning, actually eating regularly, drinking lots of water and conciously "choosing" to trust, my perception of life has changed drastically.
I am becoming mentally wholesome!
Thank you for keeping me clean and sober today
Peace be with you all
Tags: Progress
