I would love to talk about my problem with my drug of choice, but it feels very scary... like step 13! My addiction is Sex. usually what i do for someone. and this addiction is driving my crazy... and i feel like i am going into the craziness that i have seen in a Drug-Addict's eyes. Don't have a meeting... Don't have a Sponser... Sobriety... Well, it has been said to be having sex (all forms of lovemaking and such affection)only with one's mate. Guess i have not been very sober, as i dance around the outsides of the definition of sobriety in my longing for my pain to be ended.. any my "needs to be met" in affection and Love, etc.
So... i am having a tuff time. I sat on the porch the other day... having a smoke.. saying to God... Well, at least i did'nt go all the way.... That's BUL(*&($%% IT!!! I wwillingly took my eyes off God, and looked for someone else to meet my needs... I looked for kissing and affection to make me feel like i was wanted and OK..) So OK,, GOD, i lied to myself!
It is very difficult to so desparately want someone SOMEONE to be here when i feel so Utterly alone in this pain/turmoil! I believe God is here... but it does not seem that GOD IS Big Enuf.. (or perhaps small enuf to come and wrap me in his arms and let me cry!
I want to submit to you... God... My will is far from you...
jodyB
Tags: Addiction Looking For Love
