I'm new here. I didn't know this site existed. I'm glad though. I need some help, but at the same time, I have been resigned to my personal prison. I have been living in here for like two months now. Been kind of going back and forth through reality. I have been trying very hard to keep and close lock on reality, but I have not been doing a good job. I don't do a good job at anything. I can't even make it through the steps. That is what led me here. I have been trying to work these steps since March or April. I'm up late tonight and can't sleep. I'm tired of taking pills and talking to strangers about my feelings. I just want all this to go away. I just want to be normal, to be able to function. I just want to be able to think clearly and focus on the things that I need to do. I can't seem to do this, but instead, do things that I'm not supposed to do. I'm good at masking it from others. If others knew what I have been doing lately, they would be so disappointed in me. I have no job, no money, and nothing else. I have lost the love of my life due to a technicality, and my kids don't even live with me. I have been reduced to nothing. I am nothing. I feel like nothing. I'm still in denial that I even have a problem most days. I just stay in a state of dissociation, not really knowing where I am half the time. The other half is spent just numb.
Tags: Depression Self-harm Anxiety
