Things have not been well here. I am on the verge of putting my son in the hospital, his violence is too much for me now. I had the worst experience with him last night, the worst he has ever been. He choked my 12 yr old daughter, kicked her in the face, and pulled her hair, was beating his bedroom walls in, screaming, and stomping, and hitting. I just can't do this anymore.
All I have done is cry, and wonder what has happened? And I cannot come up with any answers. I am so depressed now that I feel like I am drowning. And I am not so sure that I don't want to anymore.
Day in and day out nothing changes. I cannot go to the AA meetings because I cannot leave my house. It is only a miracle that I have not drank, and I almost gave in last night. I had that beer in my hand, and just couldn't bring myself to open it. I do not know how much more of this I can take.
When I was drinking I was very unaware of my mood swings and my depth of depression, now that I have been sober I am feeling everything raw, and I am having a hard time fighting this, and fighting how I feel. I wish I could just be free. I don't know how I feel anymore, I gave up trying to figure it out. My psych appt is still 2 1/2 weeks away and I can't get in sooner. I hate who I am when I am like this, I don't even recognize the reflection anymore, I don't think I have for a long time now.
