It took me quite some time to get my head around it too, so dont feel that you are alone in this, take Dennis' advice (he is always right!) and get to some meetings, do you have AA literature to read, etc?

As mentioned, just because you admit you are powerless the desire/compulsion to drink does not go away, for me infact it increased as I tried to get away from it!

Dont be too hard on yourself, this is a journey not a destination, it will take time but give it the time it needs, dont judge yourself or give yourself impossible tasks and ultimatums, spend time with people who will help you to understand.

Take care.

     Admitting that one is powerless over alcohol and your life has gone to sh*t doesn't mean the compulsion to drink goes away. When I felt the need for a drink, I talked with my sponsor, I called a member, went to a meeting or read the BB or 12&12. The steps are designed to be used in concert with the fellowship. If you aren't going to meetings, have a contact list or a sponsor I strongly suggest you get these things. They worked for me and countless others.
     I'm not saying that it is impossible to do the steps without any outside help - but darned unlikely.
     Just don't drink, one day (hour, minute or second) at a time. Do whatever it takes not to pick up the first drink.

Take care,
Dennis

When I'd suffered enough then I was ready for step one. Then I just didn't drink today. And kept on doing that.

Took me a long time to get here. Keep coming back and you will get it.

Love and Peace
Angela