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One hundred and sixty one reasons I hate myself.
Posted On 08/01/2008 15:32:50 by AllyAnn


I relapsed after almost 4 months being cut free.

 

I’m so conflicted I can’t even think straight.

At this moment I truly I hate myself.

 

I feel weak.

I feel broken.

I feel flawed.

I feel worthless.

But most of all I feel ashamed.

Ashamed that my addiction has more power over me then I do it.

 

My bran is so mad but my body is content.

 

I’m relived like no other I fell light and fluid.

I’m mad, furious I want to hurt the nearest thing insight but I have no room left on my body.

I’m upset and devastated. I was doing so well and it’s like in the moment it didn’t matter. All the fighting and waiting and trying means nothing.

I f**ked up.

I f**ked up one hundred and sixty one times and I can’t take it back.



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Viewing 1 - 4 out of 4 Comments

From: serenity_angel
08/02/2008 03:56:02

Hey, we ALL f*ck up my friend x

Dont be so hard on yourself, this will only make it worse, like Dennis says, you can walk away from it, do this and dont look back.

I am here for you x

From: lmlm
08/01/2008 22:02:07

Min, sec by sec, your here now, were here for you!

Peace and set yourself free...

Lola

From: Isiah491421
08/01/2008 18:15:13

When I relapsed, and it wasn't just once I also felt bad but more, I felt scared!
The only thing to do is get up, brush off and keep trying...and praying...and getting support.

Love and Peace
You can do it

From: DennisS
08/01/2008 16:23:37

Ally -
    You can't take it back, but you can walk away from it. It's the one thing we all live with. Relapse. Not knowing if, when or why it could happen. we prepare, take out insurance, do our best. If it happens, we must learn from it, chalk it up to experience and move forward. There is nobody that can condemn myself more for what I do then me, so I must give it up. This is where that power greater then me comes in - even if it is just us.
     Be kind to yourself - you made a mistake...
YFIR,
Dennis

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