I relapsed after almost 4 months being cut free.

I’m so conflicted I can’t even think straight.

At this moment I truly I hate myself.

I feel weak.

I feel broken.

I feel flawed.

I feel worthless.

But most of all I feel ashamed.

Ashamed that my addiction has more power over me then I do it.

My bran is so mad but my body is content.

I’m relived like no other I fell light and fluid.

I’m mad, furious I want to hurt the nearest thing insight but I have no room left on my body.

I’m upset and devastated. I was doing so well and it’s like in the moment it didn’t matter. All the fighting and waiting and trying means nothing.

I f**ked up.

I f**ked up one hundred and sixty one times and I can’t take it back.

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