Today has been a really long day...
For some reason, I've been in a major funk lately and I'm having trouble pulling myself out of it. I'm going to see my doctor tomorrow (thank god) about the whole medication issue, but still...
I'm sure it doesn't help that my heart medication is causing me to have trouble sleeping (it even says in the side effects that it can cause nightmares), but I'm still having a lot of trouble adjusting to the major medication changes I've gone through over the last month. At the same time, it kind of sucks because the heart medication is finally starting to work. My heart rate is staying in the double digits (even if it is on the high end of "normal") and my blood pressure is pretty much smack-dab normal.
Anyway, last night was birthday night, and I celebrated my 18 months, but with the mood I was in, I was barely able to enjoy it. The whole time I was feeling very left out, seeing as how the crowd of people that were at the meeting are very "clique-ish". They all have a lot of clean time and have known each other for ever, it seems like. I know that they don't intend to make people feel left out, but I'm also not the only "youngin" that feels that way. To some extent, multiple years of clean time can be intimidating. It's like they are some kind of 12-step god. I mean, not literally, but it's just that they've been in the program forever and they have so much wisdom. In fact, the guy that has the most clean time in my area has 26 years clean...he's been clean longer than I've been alive! Even still, he freely admits that he doesn't always like to tell people his clean date because it can intimidate them.
Anyway, for being kind of depressed lately, I will say that I am slightly excited about tomorrow. After my doctor's appointment, I'm going to see my best friend before she heads home for the summer. I only get to see her a few times a year because of the fact that she lives in a different state. After I hang out with her, I'm coming back to town to celebrate my birthday with my parents and brother and sister (yay big 2-0!). Technically my birthday isn't until August 4th, but this was the only time we could celebrate. We're going out to eat and then I'm going to see the X-Files movie with my mom, which I'm psyched about.
Anyway, I need to get ready for bed, tomorrow is gonna be a very long day and I really need to get some sleep. Later y'all, hope you have a good rest of the week!
Tags: Bored Tired Down
