I didn't purge today!!! I even ate a piece of cake with my friends and didn't feel bad about it. Small step forward.
This week went okay. On average, I have just been purging once a day, on a really good day, not at all. This is pretty good for me. Ugh, I remember last fall when I had to take a medical leave to enter treatment, I was absolutely miserable and bingeing/ purging about 5-6 times a day. Talk about feeling like crap all the time. I never want to be back there.
I only have 2 weeks left of physics and I get to go home for 3 weeks before I start classes AGAIN. I can't wait to go home. I miss my family and home. I am working at a pediatricians' office full time, where I have been working on and off for 5 years. I am excited about that too. I realized today how nice it is to actually get excited about stuff again. For awhile there, I was so consumed by my eating disorder that I didn't care about anything. I used to dread hearing my alarm go off because I knew I would waste my time isolating myself and acting impulsively. I can't wait until that feeling completely goes away.
I have been thinking about faith a lot lately. I really wish I had strong faith in God. I know it would only help me overcome my addiction. I just don't know how to believe in something without doubting. Even in my science courses, my professors talk about higher powers and God existing. I wish I knew where to find the answers I am looking for.
