Beer, that's what I really needed last nite after talking with my b/f. He told me some things that upset me. He said he is thinking about going to a halfway house after rehab. My first thoughts were all about me, me, me. All I could do was cry like a whinny a** and asked him "why are you doing this to me, if you go to a halfway house 4 hours from home, I won't be able to see you, I don't have the money to drive that far, my money is tight as it is." He said we'd see each other twice a month, and could talk on the phone as much as we wanted, but that's not the type of relationship I want or need in my life. I believe long distance relationships don't work. Just a few weeks ago he was being so strong and had his mind set on coming home. He said he knows he can't hang around his druggie friends anymore, but now he is saying he is afraid of the "triggers". I do understand, but the place he said he might go to is near Miami and he use to live down there and that's where he tried cocaine for the first time, which let him to his DOC. I told him there are drugs everywhere. I'm having to deal with my drinking problem, I see beer ads on t.v., when I go grocery shopping I see beer, and the guys at work drink beer after work almost everyday, but I deal with it. I'm really an emotional drinker and after last nite, boy did I want a beer, I really really did, but I didn't go to the store. I stayed online in the meeting last nite. Even though I didn't say anything it helped being there. I read blogs off other sites, I even chatted with others in a Na-anon online meeting. All this helped ease my pain, but I still feel bad for being so selfish. I did apologize to him last nite and today for being selfish. I want him to get better, I do, but I am afraid that if he does move into a halfway house our relationship can't even get started on the right track and we have been talking about working on that since he went into rehab. This really threw me for a loop. I have been so excited about a new and improved relationship with him. I've heard some bad things about halfway houses, so thats why I'm skeptical. I will accept whatever decision he makes and I will not try to change his recovery process anymore than he can change mine. The Just for today is about being self centered and after reading it helped me get thru my day. So, Just for today, I understand that I was being self-centered and I will makes amends with him. 
