This blog describes my life exactly... it is scary.  I have felt everything you have written here.  I have so many friends who care about me and I always isolate myself.  I know I shouldn't do it but I do it anyway.  And I wonder why I feel so alone, even in a crowd of my closest friends.  Bulimia has taken so much from me... the costs of it outweigh the benefits by far, yet I can't stop.  It has made me apathetic about everything in life, completely changed the person I used to be, and now I just feel numb.  I hate it.  My mom is the same way.  She just tells me to stop it and that I am going to die.  Doesn't help.  At all.  I am a medicinal chemistry major with a perfect GPA and yet I can't eat normally.  I obviously know the health consequences of bulimia and anorexia and understand them.  Yet I can't stop it.  Why would anyone willingly torture themselves day after day if they could control it?  Ah.  Frustrating.

I really feel for you. I am an addict and I was also addicted to binging and purging when I was a teenager. Then I discovered alcohol and drugs which I could do instead of eating - that was my plan for living!

When I had suffered enough, and it took me decades, I reached out for help. You are not alone. I understand. 
Angela

Great step, to be honest with you and others! When you are truly ready to make change and find the great person inside of you, there are many out here that will support, and a higher power that you get to know who will lead!

luv

Keith

www.hopeserenity.ca

     There's that cliche again. You ain't ready until you're ready. Like many of us, there will come a decision point in your life. Where you'll have to make the choice between continuing the addiction/obsession and making a concerted effort to put it on hold. People that don't have our disease can't understand us. Like my drinking - "Why don't you just stop?". Even after I knew I was destroying myself, for a time I rationalized reasons to keep it up. Part of my insanity. 
     You have admitted you can't stop on your own, that you are powerless over this disease, your life is unmanageable. Your next step will be to get the help you need - when you are ready. From one that realizes the difference between drama and reality.

Take care,
Dennis
    

Your disorder is my its very nature complicated, having read that I can almost feel your despair and I am so sorry for how you are suffering.

Perhaps your mum hasnt quite come to terms with it yet, or indeed is trying not to, can you talk to her openly?  Maybe even show her this post?

You need some help from a professional, I would strongly suggest you see your doctor, dont worry about what he thinks, he is there to help you.

Its very common to romanticise your problem, I have done it myself and I am willing to bet many others have, its all you have sometimes and it becomes what defines you, however much you hate that fact.  You are not alone in feeling this way, but you need some help to change your thought process.

The resounding message of this post is when you put that you CANT stop, you even wrote that in capitals, the only word of the whole thing in capital letters, what does that tell you.  It would tell me that its time to look outside yourself for help, not to your mum or boyfriend but professional help.

If you want to recover and I am sure you do, you must take the first step.

I am here for you and include you in my prayers x