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faith?
Posted On 06/23/2008 21:41:21 by princessmean1

Well, I've been trying my best to stop drinking because I want to become a better person. I've been reading up on the 12 step process and attending online meetings only because I don't have the time or a babysitter to watch kids so I can go to face to face meetings.  I'm doing everything possible to become better. My b/f is in rehab and I'm in out here in the "real world" doing it all. I wish sometimes I had it like he does, being able to take care of myself and get better, but I don't. I still have to go thru the process of becoming better and maintain my family.  When I have him questioning me about my love for him and if I am drinking it really makes me mad. I have been doing it all since we have gotten together, I gave him a roof over his head while he got high, I still paid the bills, he spent all his money and when he needed money I was there to help him.  I've always been there for him and now that he is in a "safe place" getting help, and I am still out here in the real world doing it all, he thinks he has the right to question me about anything? Where is his faith that he said he had for me? He had only written me a two page letter with all these promises, which I doubt he will follow thru.  It really makes me mad that he can sit there in rehab and judge me when I am still trying to get better myself and still deal with the real world. darn I'm pissed!!  And I hate it when he starts preaching to me. What gives him the right? When I even say anything to him that he doesn't like he will tell me he has to go.  WTF is that sh*t? Sorry, everyone I just had to vent.



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Viewing 1 - 5 out of 5 Comments

From: KeithB
06/24/2008 08:12:13

Quit worrying about him, he is a sick man who you must "lovingly detach" from. Worry about you, your kids, your recovery. You enabled him by your own words. Is it not time you really took care of yourself? To recover, you have to be selfish.

There is help availablewithout rehab. Meetings are free and there is counselling and mentoring available over the phone. You've got to want it for you, and take full responsibility for your recovery. Quit pointing to andblaming "him".

luv

From: Nia
06/24/2008 05:57:13

try and find a network of people to call, (ask for #'s)

'to thine own self be true', use whatever slogans and program materials

you can get your hands on-pray a lot...give thanks a lot,       Nia

From: serenity_angel
06/24/2008 03:49:08

If you are to succeed you must let him do things his way, and you do it your way.  You cant take on his problems right now and he cant take on yours, perhaps the best thing would be a clean break while you both gain some recovery time, then maybe you can begin dating again as a clean sober couple.

With you both doing this at the same time, the strain may be too much for your relationship, but remember without your recovery you will struggle to retain anything else.

So, for now I think you need to put yourself first.

Take care x

From: sunflower
06/23/2008 23:56:16

I agree with Dennis.  You come first.  You have a lot going on.  Keep sharing and reaching out for support.  It doesn't sound like your boyfriend is in a position to give you that support right now.  Taking care of yourself doesn't mean you don't love him any more.  You deserve health and joy.  You do!  You are going for it too. You can and are doing it!

From: DennisS
06/23/2008 23:02:58

     One of the things one has to learn in recovery is that we each work our own program - and unless you are a sponsor or someone looking to get chewed on, you don't question anothers method or means. Agreed, he is in a "safe" place where he doesn't have to cope with life on life's terms. Keep in mind that people change (a lot) in recovery - especially the first year or two. This can cause major upheavels in relationships.
     Just remember, your recovery comes first, you and your family depend on you and you are not much good to you or them otherwise...
Take care,
DEnnis

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