ok so today JUNE 22 is my one year cut free sobriety day!! and ofcorse i have some reflective thoughts hahah.
it has been the hardest year of my life. i still have cravings almost every day but throught resisiting those urges and turning to my higher power i have found strength at times when i didn't believe i could make it through. we all know what it feels like to stare the night in the face knowing sleep won't come until the break of day light. sometimes thats what it takes. you just gotta ride the wave. sometimes you have to stay up and sometimes you don't feel like youll make it through. like if you could just cut yourself. shoot up. drink. eat. have sex... then you know it will all be ok. but i have found through this year that addictions are here for one purpose... to enslave us. they are appealing and lets face it they work IN THE MOMENT. but what happens when daylight breaks and your left with the same problems and the same hurts.
this year has shown me that i can't fight my addiction. i can't. every time i do i will lose and its gonna be bad. but see i have something more powerful than any human and so do all of us. we have a higher power. for some thats god, jesus, for others its your AA meeting group or your support system. whatever it is... its higher than us and with that strength and only that strength can recovery start. i have 1 year. on very small very short year. in comparison to the years i hope to have left here it is minute and small but today... it is all i have strived for. it has given me my life back. wether your at one year or one hour. know you aren't alone. and that you can't do it but someone or something can. i have sooo soooo soooo much to learn. and i am so thankful to have learned what i have. so heres to another year :)
lauren
