Well it has been quite a week. On Monday my sponsee disappeared off to prison for at least two years and maybe up to four. It seems unreal and not for the first time I feel that I occupy another universe to the rest of humanity. Even my prayers and the prayers of a lot of others seemed to go unanswered. The thought occurred to me that even God had no sympathy for those who were addicted and wanted to lock them away to protect others. Those words are a lie and I only repeat them so that you will know they are a lie next time you hear them.

Yes, I know that God has a purpose for what happened, maybe my sponsee will encounter God only in prison, I can see why that would be necessary, he is very easily distracted. I'm just sorry I spent such a lot of time and effort praying against God's purposes. I knew it too, I hope I recognise that next time I encounter it.

So life seems a good bit emptier without my daily texts which was his preferred method of staying in touch. I will miss him and my hopes of leading him through the steps have been put on ice. Maybe he was put in prison before I could do any damage, no, that too has the feel of untruth.

Due to an event I had to go to for work I was not able to get to my usual meeting this week either but I now have ten days off, which I really need. The strain of that court case took it's toll and I need to rest and do things I enjoy for a while. So walking and chatting to people who care and pampering myself and probably retail therapy here I come, or I might just lie in the sun if it appears.

And at the end of the week there is my milestone birthday which I look forward to celebrating but feel I don't want to go past. I see it as the gateway to old age. Is there such a thing as an elderly sex addict? Can you imagine what people would think 'Addicted to sex - at her age, that's disgusting!'

Bit of a ramble that one, but it says how I feel so it's an honest ramble. Cara

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