Hallo again, I forgot to say something. When I came to AA 7 Jan 2006 I had no job, no money, no friends, no prospects and I was overweight ( one of the worst things for me). I was on empty so i went to a meeting every day just to make sure that I wasn't housebound with me, myself and I. I tried not to think to much and just put my trust into God, the meetings and my fellows. i figured that if this could work for others then there was no reason it couldn´t work for me. I decided to copy what other people did. Anyway, I had nothing to lose and everything to gain. Let's just keep going one day at a time

Hallo Dear Heart. I read this and thought, as one does, you´re telling my story. I also thought if I could only be pretty, slim and have nice clothes and plenty of male admiration, then I will be happy. I had all of these things but I wasn´t happy. I spent my life depressed. When I cut out the alcohol my depression went (2yrs 5 mths 10 days since my last drink of poison). Alcohol is a depessent. It acted like speed in my system so I could not see it as a depressent because that sounded like something which would slow me down and make me drowsy. All the alcohol did for me was to make me into a crazy woman, full of rage, pain, hate and I drowned in a lonliness which was desolation itself. My life does not feel like that anymore, though , of course, I do have moments of pain and suffering but nothing like before. For me it really is no alcohol- no depression. What helped me were tons of meetings, working the steps and on a very practical level I changed my eating habits. Plenty of fruit and veg. taken at regular intervals washed down with lashings of plain water. the water thing is a miracle in it's self because i had completely lost the sensation of thirst- no wonder I had so many bladder problems. Anyway, I´ll shut up now. thank you for being there and thinking of me. Have a wonderful day. God bless. Love Angela 

I can only add: I can empathize! I am a continuous journey in my Recovery.

S_A

You hit a nerve here.  As jd said, you're only at the beginning of your journey.  One step at a time!   I believe that as we continue this journey and  endure (steps 10 - 12) the nearer we will approach wholeness, the clearer will be our views, and the greater our joy will be until we overcome all that binds us and we lose every desire for that which is not good for us, and then we will reach that point where we will be wrapped-up in the love of our HP where we will dwell forever!

I appreciate you writing even though you might find it difficult!  Thanks, John.

First off this is a disease of denial-(and isolation) never mind depression for a second-(which is anger turned inward)....I was a really angry human by the time I made it into these rooms- I also had bouts of depression, but used anger to get moving- it is a motivator if you use it that way! (Put it to a positive use)

  People around me said: " reach out and shake hands/thank- your chair person at meetings. Thank your speaker; tell people who share at a meeting, when you identify with what they said...

We used to have greeters at the door- who simply said "welcome" to those coming in- it taught me a lot about shyness/self centered fear- If you go to a big open meeting ask about greeting-

Get active- set up and close down coffee, chairs, etc.

I was told to go on commitments even if I didn't speak-

all these things will draw you out and help reaquaint you with yourself-

You might even start to meet others!     Blessings, Nia

I cant thank you enough for the wonderful comments here, again I find a wealth of wisdom and true friendship.

I do find that to write these things from the heart is difficult as I have never said any of this stuff to anyone, its liberating to know that others not only understand but sometimes have felt the samw way and come through the other side.

Thank you once again, I am proud to call you my friends x

Like so many others here, I too can relate. Except that isolation was more than just a vice, it was something I enjoyed doing. Nor was it something I was willing to let go of. If anything, keeping myself isolated (physically, mentally and emotionally) is what kept me in my addiction, despite the progress I was making in my recovery.

Little by little, the 'weird girl who loved sitting in the dark corner' started to venture out a little more. At first it came by expressing myself to others, then into self-acceptance...and now, I am taking it one step at a time to reach personal goals that I set for myself. After 20+ years of dropping out of school and 8 weeks of busting my ass taking a prep-class, I am proud to say that I am pretty sure I'll be getting my GED as early as next month, and hopefully starting college a month after!

Once you start to recognize your own self worth and accept yourself for who you are, things will naturally fall into place. Of course I had to learn to let go of control, as per the slogan of "Let Go and Let God", for me to figure that out...lol.

Needless to day, it begins with a choice. If you want it badly enough and are willing to do the work, it will happen.

Recovery rawks!

      You ain't alone in this one. It was like I lost the booze and got cooties. Couldn't hang with the drunks and didn't feel right with normies. I felt like I was thirteen and a a birthday party where I knew nobody. All ears and elbows. The fellowship of AA brought me out of that. Service and working with other sober folks. New friends. A very good thing for this drunk....
Take care,
Dennis

get to know yourself.  it's like being a child and exploring.  the wonder, awe, beauty and even fear.  i wasn't so big after all.  and that's ok.  :)

welcome to recovery.  your journey has begun.  are you ready to explore? 

i hope you enjoy getting to know yourself.  xo

Oh, Do I understand your delimma. I've been trapt in my house for the past two years working from home and doing this whole full time student/mommy thing. I gave up the pills and drinking when I found that I was going to have a baby, of course you know that those people who were your "friends" while a part of that life style have a hard time understanding why you've quit the party. One thing that i've found to help with the feeling of isolation is to make a routine, do something that involves going out in public once a week, every week. For me, I take the baby to the mall and we window shop. You could jog, go to a musem, or window shop like we do! Get dressed up, even if it's only to go put gas in the car and come back home. I know that it makes me feel better.  

Just an idea. I'm sure that you can do it, I know you can create something beautiful. Something that makes you smile when you wake up in the morning, even if it is only to go get gas or take a jog. >.<