This is a ranting entry. If you cannot handle the depression BS that comes from my mind, then just go back to your pretty little page. Thanks.
Depression's starting to affect me more severely...even when I do something good. Went out to the movies...and that was it. Next week I'll make an appt after school to schedule classes for Fall-time at CC.
I've been suffering from severe depression since my early teenage years. That's over five years..I just hate wanting to die every two minutes. Not even singing has made me happy, lately. My older bro's birthday is Sunday... maybe that'll brighten my mood any.
...I just wish there was some cure to all this. There's all these people here who are trying to inspire me...in different ways, of course. There are those who shove the information in my face....then there are those who have the 'i've been through out, AND DON'T YOU DARE SAY I HAVEN'T!'...and last, but not least, there are the downright rude who insult me, trying to remove my problems...
Tomorrow I'm hanging out with a friend, and Sunday is the whole brother b-day... I just feel like my present is inadequate. I just wish I was worth so much more...
I think I better make more accurate birthday wishes... I think for my 18th I wish for a 'tear-free day'...that hasn't happened in years. Every day, at some point, I cry. I remember my elementary school days...where I just lay down across a tire swing... looking up through the trees and at the sky...and wondering what the hell I was doing here...
Those thoughts grow by the day...I don't know what it is...if my suicidal tendencies are getting out of hand....if I'm bored of living...or if I genuinely do not feel comfortable here (as in Earth, not on this website).
Even if I'm saving a little scruffy-haired puppy from being hit by a car... I don't feel that I have some big purpose. No one needs me... no one notices that I'm like this, unless I open my mouth or open my mind enough to write. These days are so disheartening...I feel ready to become a ghost, already. Maybe then I'll be able to see properly...without tears clouding my vision, and a death wise over my head at all times.
I've been asked...what do I want out of this (as in recovery)? I want to stop having this loose noose over my neck. I want someone I can just cry against... that can rid the long-given poison that travels through me...That is what I want. From there, I can proceed.
+R
Tags: Depression Symptoms
