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Posted On 11/15/2006 12:05:40 by serenity

this might be weird but i really have NO friends, actually i have male friends thats about it and i always have had male friends for the past 7 years now??  lets see its kinda weird i have a counselor and she wanted me to go and get some girlfriends so i did. i made friends with 2 particular girls one is my best friend and then i have another female who is i guess my second best friend. But like i said before the 2nd best friend she is the one that is taking these pills! So i really dont want a friend like her. Its sad cause i really do enjoy her company as a friend we have fun when we go out. ya know, but when she is all f**ked up i dont want to be around her. i cant even hold a conversation with her half the time. it will start out okay on the phone but then towards the middle of the conversation she just gets worse and worse, her words slur and then i cant even understand her!!! so i give up and i say oh i have to go and i always make up excuses why i have to hang up! and its hard on me because sometimes when i really need a friend to talk to she isnt their for me! that is what sucks! I will be soo upset and she is sooo out of it its not even worth my time talking to her! so then what i have no one to talk to. So I feel like I was better off in the first place where i started off in the beginning- with NO Girlfriends AT ALL! It seems like all they do is use me! the thing that really upset me is it was my birthday in October and like i said i only have 2 girlfriends- do you think i even got a birthday card or a present?? NOPE! not a thing! now when it was their birthdays i got them stuff cards & presents! so how does that make me feel! i feel used that s how i feel! it just upsets me! I just go out of my way for these girls and they dont do s**t for me! and i dont know what to say when stuff like that happens cause i keep it inside! i would rather not say anything . i dont know why but i dont! and in the long run i am the one that is getting hurt! I dont ask for much from people but when i do ask for something it seems like i dont get it! and i just dont deserve to be treated  this way. it hurts my feelings alot! now i am moving next weekend - do you think either one has asked me if i needed any help? but if it was the other way around i would have been helped them! maybe i care tooo much. and i expect too much . i dont know??? i have made better girlfriends over the computer now a days than in person to be completely honest! and its a shame cause i  probably will never ever meet them either.

 

 

Tags: Lonely



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Viewing 1 - 2 out of 2 Comments

From: PhyllisKay
12/20/2006 22:05:30
Serenity...I can understand how lonely you must feel without a true female friend.  I once was just like you and I thought I would never feel differently than you do now.  But, I must admit that now I have many female friends.  Some I am very close to, some are somewhat close and some are just aquaintances.  I haved learned in life that people are just people and even when we sober/clean up we will still have character defects.  Some of our defects are very evident and some are not.  I am so glad that I learned that lesson in life.  I have been treated unfairly by some women in the program and I still consider them my friends.  One person told something I had told her in confidence so now I know if I don't want my secrets revealed then I turn to someone who will not put my secrets out in the public.  I have a best buddy who started out as my sponsor.  She is still my sponsor and I would trust her with my life (I did) and will tell her any thing and she will never repeat it.  This other person fulfills other needs of mine, she will go eat with me or I listen to her and give her advices when she asks.  I never tell her secrets even though she told mine.  I believe in cleaning my side of the street and letting others clean their side.  Accountablity is something I never practiced before, I always got out my BLAMETHROWER and blamed everyone for my stuff in life.  Today I have friends that I continually do for without the return of any favors.  And it is okay today.  I can have friends that are that narcassitic that they only want, want, want.  So when I need to feel good about giving I give to them without the thought of them oweing my anything in return.  But I have friends who would do anything for me and I would do the same for them.  Those are the friends that I call on when I need something done, cause come h*ll? or highwater they will be there no matter what.  All this does not come overnight.  We have to learn to pick which friends we need to have for what purpose we need them. But no matter what we must keep trying.  If you took in one breath and choked would you give up and not breathe again.  No, so try, try, try.  


From: eva
11/16/2006 07:04:18

Hi friend, this is just what I´ve been told several months ago - to get some girlfriends :-) and it is not easy for me, neither; I always made male friends much more easily (and nod because of physical intimacy with them). I wasn´t very successful yet, but step by step I´m trying. I think one must state some boundaries in his/her friendship - there is no use of one doing all the "work" in the friendship and the other just accepting it... But sometimes, you can become a friend to somebody you never dreamt of - when the time is right... Hold on, I will too :-) 

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