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I cant move on.

Posted On 04/21/2008 08:59:07 by twinkie

Im finding it really hard to move on without my boyfriend.I feel really guilty about yesterday.Still hate myself.Just had a huge fight with his mom.She says i must make good on my promises that when im clean he can move back in with me,into my new apartment,that our lives will continue as they were...that it is apparently my responsibility to get him clean and to help him.It is my responsibility(as the clean one) to make us a home,get us a new car(he wrote his and mine off while driving high!)no insurance and no sorry.That im such a bad person for not living up to all this,for questioning his love for me.If you read my bulletin you will understand what im talking about.I just feel angry that its all on my shoulders and if I dont "make good" then im the bad,horrible b**ch.She put me on a huge guilt trip but im questioning why i should do anything for someone who uses me and disrespects me so much.Im the proverbial contradiction as I love him so much that I will and have done anything for him.What now.She knows exactly what buttons to press.S**T
Its a long long story so anyone who has the time to hear my self-pity let me know and il msg my story to you.
Twinkie

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Viewing 1 - 4 out of 4 Comments

From: DennisS

04/21/2008 19:10:02

     Ok - you're clean and he isn't. Do you have several years clean and sober? You are supposed to do what - be his mother? You have a program and some serious responsibilities (not only to yourself but a child). Rearing a child is normally a two adult responsibility. Rearing a child and supporting an addict while trying to stay clean early in recovery is insanity. Probably not very smart either.
     He can do the "right" thing - get clean and then come back and shoulder his half. Take responsibility for his actions. Which maybe he should have been doing at the same time you were.
     Don't go from using to being used.

From: godluvsall

04/21/2008 16:53:28 The only person you should be concerned with is your son and you. That's all. Be strong and you will be better off. It's hard, but it does work out if you make the right choices.

From: aLEJ

04/21/2008 12:20:27

From the book "just for today":

Many of us come from severely damaged families. At times, the insanity that reigns among our relatives feels overwhelming. Sometimes we feel like packing our bags and moving far, far away.

We pray that our family members will join us in recovery but, to our great sadness, this does not always happen. Sometimes, despite our best efforts to carry the message, we find that we cannot help those we hold most dear. Our group experience has taught us that, frequently, we are too close to our relatives to help them. We learn it is better to leave them in our Higher Power’s care.

We have found that when we stop trying to settle the problems of family members, we give them the room they need to work things out in their own lives. By reminding them that we are not able to solve their problems for them, we give ourselves the freedom to live our own lives. We have faith that God will help our relatives. Often, the best thing we can give our loved ones is the example of our own ongoing recovery. For the sake of our family’s sanity and our own, we must let our relatives find their own ways to recover.

Just for today: I will seek to work my own program and leave my family in the care of a Higher Power

From: Endurancefan

04/21/2008 09:07:23 I think you need to make good choices for your sake and the sake of your child. Your boyfriend is making his own choices. God bless both you and your son!

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