ok, yeah, well, i drank on new years eve... my offical clean date is on january 1st but i cant change the year just yet. i wanted to make my good time better but i only made my spirit worse. ive got to stay on track. its not so much as the drug/alcohol use as it is my behaviors and thinking pattern. i stay angry and cant see no happiness in life. my life is miserable and its of my own making.
my boyfriend is in for a wk, well ex-boyfriend now, and its been the longest, most stressful wk of my life. hes an alocholic and im an addict... and we dont mix. we are destroying each other and it hurts to see that. sometimes i dont wanna leave cuz of what the breakup will do to him but what will it do to me if i stay? thats the question i had to ask myself last night. whos more important.... me or him? and I am more important to ME. if i fall apart, aint no one gonna fix me.... i spend too much of my time worrying bout him that i have no energy left to focus on me..... that that was my deciding factor in that.
neways, thanks for listening... im a little discouraged but im hopeful still...... xoxo
Tags: Disappointed
