This is it. This is the step I've planned to take since I was admitted to the hospital with pancreatitis almost four years ago.
I remember reading the back of the Tylenol bottle, where it says "If you average 3 or more drinks per day, consult your physician before taking this product." I also remember thinking that was ridiculous - that'd be 21 drinks per week - at least! Who does that???
I've since entered the restaurant business and become a bartender. God, I wish I could finish my college more quickly and get an office job - I think it'd be so much easier to resist temptation when you're not pouring booze for 8 hours a shift.
I've known I've had a problem for awhile - I'm playing Russian roulette with my pancreas as it is - but lately it's finally starting to affect the rest of my life. I held a 3.93 for my first two years of college, now I'm failing one class and hoping to make a C in the rest. I've really lost control.
I've been reading the "Big Book" on 12steps.org. I'm a huge skeptic about most "self-help" crap, but I have to admit that the experiences in there reflect my situation. I want to be a 'normal' drinker, and I can't imagine a life without alcohol - I'm a bartender! I've been to Jalisco twice to study Tequila distilleries so I can teach a class about it. I've also been on the Kentucky bourbon tour twice and teach a bourbon class. 95% of the time I spend socializing is with alcohol in one form or another.
I've been polishing off about a fifth a day for the last few months. My job performance is suffering, my grades are [obviously] suffering. My wife is terribly loving and supportive, but she is even starting to take offense at my drinking habits. I'm scheduled for disaster if I don't change my ways.
As a bartender, I've known a few people that went into AA (some even without felony convictions!). I have a good support system in place, but I'm hesitant to apprise them of my situation. It would be preferable to me if I could 'anonymously' attend the meetings, find a mentor there, and try to work things out without the rest of the world knowing my problem. I have the schedule, but I've yet to attend an A.A. meeting, what is it like??? Someone please give me a heads up so I know what to expect.
I'm excited about what I've read online, it really gives me hope. I know it's an uphill battle - and I might falter - but it ultimately thrills me inside that I won't have to live with this guilt anymore.
Just starting out . . .
Una Nueva Esperanza (a new hope)
