in light of recently discovering i had a problem i needed to solve and in delving into the issue, i just discovered there was sexual abuse in my childhood....it's all been pieces of the puzzle and i'm putting it all together and i feel more impowered than i think i ever have. i think most people are afraid to dig really deep into themselves and that's why so many remain unhappy for their whole lives....they think about digging old things up and it seems like a huge mountian to climb. and if you look at the whole thing, it is. but just as with climbing a mountian, it starts with the first step, and the first step is the hardest just because it's hard to make that decision. but once you've taken the first step, every step is easier than the one before. it's like starting to roll a ball that weighs 1000 pounds...it's going to be darn hard to get that ball rolling but once you do, that ball is going to go and go and it's not going to stop until it gets where it needs to be. and rest assured, some things will get broken in the process. and the more you climb, sometimes you can't see the top because of the angle you're at (depression). and sometimes the climb is very scarry (anxiety/fear). and sometimes the higher you get, you realize the mountian is a lot bigger than you originally thought. but every step becomes easier just knowing that mountain has a top. and EVERY mountain has a top, it has to. there IS an end even if it's not always in sight. i don't know if anyone reading this has ever climbed a mountain, but there's a strange feeling when you get to the top. it's a mixture of adrenalin, exhaustion and completion. you look back down at the town and realize that all the problems you went through in your life don't mean a thing up here...it's all too small. chicago looks like a big town until you fly over it in an airplane...it kind of looks like an ant farm. and then you do have to climb back down that mountain, but the trip down is like putting all the pieces together. you see all the spots you thought were so scarry on your way up, and you laugh about them now. and when you set foot back on level ground, you set foot into your new life because you ARE a changed person. you are not the same person that you were when you made that difficult, difficult decision to take that first step. once you dig deep, you're going to fly high.
"...oh how much fun flying will be
swiiiiiiiiiiiiish!!!!!!! swoooooooooosh!!!!!
and there you are in the middle of the sea
on a tiny island, with your heart
that is free!!!!!
one time i climbed a 3000 ft. mountain that was covered in snow...i was all alone with no gear....just faith. and by god, faith will keep you safer and take you further than any amount of gear or expereince
Tags: Reflective
