Therapy is hard. Therapy is hard without coffee. Therapy is hard without coffee and while you are tired or maybe therapy is hard no matter what.
Next time I will come rested and prepared to be offended.
I want to say that I have been hiding from myself for many years. I want to come in contact with myself again.
My evaluation was tough. I wanted to walk out. I wanted to stop talking because I know I can do this on my own. I know I can. I am smart if I use my head.
That is just it. I dont always use my head. Perhaps I can learn how to use my head in therapy.
I wanted to leave because my therapist has a dry sense of humor. I am fragile Katie. I cant take any jokes. Life is so serious.
No it is not.
Assertiveness, truth and respect are all good things.
I like my therapist because she doesnt see things like me.
I am sensitive and my feelings get hurt easily and that is not how it goes in the real world.
My goal is to make my skin thick to handle the craziness that is the music business.
When things get tough I give up but not anymore. i am back on the upswing and ready to work hard for what I want.
I am 27. That is all that I can come to.
I burnt down some bushes in the front of my highschool when I was 14. It was an accident but it happened. It was embarrassing and it is one of the factors that I didnt graduate high school. I was suspended for an entire semester.
Oh God.
My therapist said something about a piro and it made me mad and I wanted to leave.
What will happen once I take a good look at myself?
What can I learn?
Should I keep ignoring my patterns?
No. I want to change. I am going to change. No more feelings sorry for myself.
I am codependant with the whole world. I am a singer. I am a writer. I am a performer. I am a fighter and I am not going to accept mediocrity in my life. I am going to push hard.
That is how I have succeeded thus far.
Credit. I must give myself credit and then more forward.
so I relapsed. so what.
so therapy is going to be good for me.
I have the time and the mental capacity and it will be exactly what I make it.
Life is what you make it.
I feel like all of my words have been pretty silly but it is how I feel.
I feel good.
I am applying for a job working for a tobacco company. To hand out cigs to people for 18 an hour. It is against everything I stand for..........everything except for paying off my credit card bills........
Today.
Today I woke up next to my boyfriend. The bed we share is small. I brushed my teeth and headed out. I wanted coffee but I didnt have time to purchase some. I wandered over the Burnside bridge trying to feel some goodness for life.
Goodness for life is removed when you are sleepy. I stayed inside my head. I found a coffee shop on the east side. I went inside but then I thought I saw my bus. I ran across the street nearly getting hit by a large truck.
I shouldnt have been trying to run across traffic. I felt like a crazy lady.
It wasnt my bus.
I had no coffee.
I was going to be late.
FUCK
The good part is the coffee shop has free computers with purchase. I am going to be spending the rest of my life here I imagine.
I made it to therapy only a few minutes late.
It was o.k.
The therapist had someone observe. I am always a great person to observe.
I feel my problems are always so much worse or different than others.
My teeth are rotten. I have taught dentists some things.
I have a lazy eye...............I was doing some work with a vision therapist ten years back and he learned some things.
Boyfriends always have an interesting time with me
and now mental health.
there goes me tooting my own horn.
I know I am different than everyone else. I am special. I know we are all the same and bla bla bla bla
I dont know.
so someone got to watch my evaluation. I only like people once they compliment me.
My therapist read my previous post and was like "you are a good writer" then she was like "have you gotten an aids test?"
and I have and I am std free. I am happy for that. I also hope that I am not pregnant.
I was on the ring for a while and that made me crazy,
I am learning how to say no.
Someone just asked me to play a show and I dont want to play a show the weekend of thanksgiving. I dont want to fill my schedule up right now.
so I said no.
It was great. I am assertive and I take care of myself and I dont worry about anyone elses feelings.
I dont,
I dont have to say yes.
I love KT Tunstall. I love her a lot.
I want to write, perform and speak.
that is what I will do.
Write, perform, speak, dance, love and woohooooooooooo
