Well guys my divorce hearing is finally here tomorrow. I am full of mixed emotions right now. I know I am just freaking out for nothing. I really do want it over with so I can really move on with my life. I am certain that this divorce is definitely a step in the right direction. I realized that it would never have worked out ever. We were not compatible. It was my stubborness and fear that kept me in that situation for so long. Fear has you doing crazy things, you are constantly beating a "dead horse" so to speak. Afraid I couldn't live on my own, afraid of being lonely, afraid of losing the only life I knew.
Look at me now, I have been living on my own since April 1, I pay my own bills, I am kinda seeing someone now, and I have a very good job. I am independent for the first time in my life. My greatest sadness is that because I moved back to the town where I was living, my kids wouldnt come back with me, so I dont have custody of my children. But they are doing well, and I spend as much time with them as I can, so I guess everything happens for a reason.
I just hit my 3 week sobriety mark and I feel so much better not drowning myself in alcohol. I still drive by the liquor store every time I need a drink and I drive right by. Eventually I will stop driving there. Baby steps I guess. The days are getting a little better. I am meditating a whole lot now, it is a lot of work to not give in to my mind and all its mess. Trying to love myself again is even harder yet but every day I am getting better. Thanks for listening to me guys....
ME
