Sometimes it takes a few more times for others? I know I sure as heck wouldn't listen to nobody? I didn't care what you said, I wasn't about to admit nothing. TO ME That's a pure outright sign of WEAKNESS??? I spent my whole life striving to be strong and they wanted me to say WHAT? I'm Powerless and something had power over me. I Wasn't having it? NOW I am 47 yrs older, I survived it, God helped me I IMAGINE, cause I did alot of stuff?? MORE than a few lifetimes. SO, I KNOW now it's THE... Read More

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I had a secret once; I kept a close eye on it …

Making sure that no one knew it but me…. Holding it close

I felt it taking the breath from me, yet I fell in love with it……

I thought of the time when I could share my secret

But I knew this wasn’t possible…. It was for me only….

I thought no one care... Read More

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Power
From "Listening to the Wind":
"Alcohol was only a symptom of much deeper problems of dishonesty and denial. Now it was a matter of coming to grips with a Power greater than myself. That was very hard for me. How could all these white people even begin to think they could understand me? So they brought a sober Indian woman up to work with me for a day. That was a very powerful day. That Indian woman cut me no slack at all. I will never forget her. She convinced me I was not unique.... Read More

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I have been sober from booze (after almost dying a few weeks ago. I overdosed on purpose and was in ICU on an intubator for 3 days. Doctors didnt think I would live) for 5 days.

Yet, in those 5 days, I have turned back to narcotics. I pop my vicodin and xanax like they are going out of style. If I can't have those, I get hyped up on Adderall. And basically if I feel ANYTHING... if I feel SOBER... I feel miserable.

Why can't I like myslef? Will things ever get better? I hurt so muc... Read More

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I SAW THE ENEMY

Always interesting to see what thoughts run through my head as I try to shut down my conscious thinking and spend quiet time in the morning.

About fifteen years ago I sat in a treatment centre, Homewood, in Guelph, Ontario. I had been alcohol and drug free for about 3 months, and this did allow some clarity in thought as I went through a fabulous rehab pr... Read More

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