Subject: Time for nothing else but recovery???
Content: OK, All I can say is CRAP!!!!!!!!! Sure I had shoulder surgery, and lost my home, wife, business, career and community; and am doing my best to hold it all together in light of my decision to be clean sober and be in recovery, but GD! It is not easy when my mind still thinks I can go do things like get a job, and then all I find out is that my arm is too weak, or my emotions are too tender. Being in recovery is great, and had been a long time coming, but how f***ing long will it be until I can live life on a level that feels like I am participating and contributing in a way that feels stable. I seem to be taught the same lesson over and over again, and that is: That the things (jobs, types of work, things I think I should do other than be in recovery) I think are best for me end up not being wise or natural for whereI am in life at all. In other words, what I am left feeling is that, though I can trust my intuition and feelings, I can't trust my thoughts at all, because they lead me to misery, and sameness, and if there are two things I certainly do not want in my life now that I am clean are repedativeness, and unhapiness, knowing full well of the Truth of light&Dark, Yin-Yang of all that is. Sometimes it just feels like one BIG FYM..............and not to you-all, but to the way of life that most folks think about life, and when I approach the way I want to live life, I end up broke, alone, and frustrated. I think it is time to just take care of myself, go to meetings, pray, do service, and sit for hours under a big tree with what time I have left after doing the previous. Any thoughts on the transition of becoming? Stonecarver5
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