I was diagnosed with anorexia at age 12, but have had eating issues every since I can remember. It started out as a way to cope with childhood sexual abuse and rape as well as a way to manage my feelings.

I'm in therapy with someone who specializes in eating disorders. I'm also seeing a medical doctor that has knowledge in eating disorders to deal with the medical issues that I deal with due to the anorexia.

The past few years I have had more hospital admissions than I can count as well as numerous feeding tubes. At this time, I have what's called a "Hickman" which is similar to a central line - it's a small catheter that was placed in my chest for the purpose of delivering calories/nutrition in a liquid form. Even though I want it removed, my weight isn't stable enough for them to feel comfortable enough to take it out.

The thought of gaining weight has always made me panic, but that's something that I know I have to work through. And I am working on it! It's going to be a long journey.

Thankfully, I have an amazing fiance who has been very patient, supportive, and involved in my treatment, and that has been very helpful.

I wanted to join here to have a safe place to be myself without judgement. I'm hoping to be able to give support to others when I can and perhaps receive support as well.

Good friends, spending quality time with my fiance, reading, writing, hugs, ballet, music, getting mail, rain on a warm day, taking long baths, candles, and being content.

My past and how it has such a hold on me, the PTSD and anorexia, feeling like I'm stuck and getting nowhere, racing thoughts, when I can't figure out my thoughts, and anxiety.