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My Life and Recovery
People don't really understand drug addicion and the pain and sorrow that we go through , so i am here to let it out.
Let’s see where should I start here, most of my life was a type of haze due to all the drugs I have put into my body as of right now I am clean and I am starting to get my memories, emotions, and senses back. My parents were both born into a lower class family in the small town of Lebanon in Ohio. My mother’s father was a big time alcoholic along with the rest of his brothers. I remember him being a nice man but I knew him after his drinking days were well over. From what I know of him now he also had a very mean side, he would beat my mother and her other 2 sisters and two brothers. My father’s side of the family had the same physical abuse on it, but instead of just being alcoholics they decided to add crack cocaine to the mix. So if u is one of those people who believe in genetic addiction I would be a prime example. To me yellow and blue make green just as one side of the family being alcoholics the other being cocaine, alcohol, and crack addicts makes me a prime example of an addict in training but you are more than welcome to make your own decision.
At the age of three, me, my mother, father, and 10 year brother moved to Royal Palm Beach, Florida. My father was a computer engineer as well as nasty drunk I remember the alcoholic side of him more than the engineer and father he should have been. My dad and mother got a divorce when I believe I was around 6 years old or so. My dad began a relationship with a woman that worked with him while still married to my mother. He moved out to begin a new family with the other woman, leaving me and my older brother alone without a father turning my mom into another single mother working two jobs in order to support and care for us. My brother took me under his wing all the time since our mom was working the graveyard shift at the hospital. I know my brother got big into doing and the selling f drugs when he was about 16 years old. It enabled the two of us to have the nicer material things we wanted in life. He was also a big time surfer and skater on the east coast, sponsors from big companies began to send him lots of free things and wanted big time results from him in return. I can vividly remember the day that would change my life forever; I got home from school, walked home from the bus stop like any normal 14 year old would do. When I arrived at my house my brother was waiting in the garage for me with a brand new skateboard. I was ecstatic, he had told me to practice on the new board for a while in the garage ad let me know he was going inside to do some things. Wow, I have never told this story to anyone before and it is in no way easy at all. Ummm, whhhoooo, so I thought I heard what was a crash coming from inside the house so I went inside yelling for my older brother wondering what the hell just had happened, I started all throughout the downstairs of our home and saw noone and nothing misplaced so I made my way to my brothers room. I came to his bedroom door and I can remember vividly a burning smell, as I opened the door I saw my brother lying on his back on the white blood soaked carpet and his gun in his hand. I have seen a lot of death in my life but nothing measures up to seeing your brother’s face blown off at the age of 14. After I got my head back I remembered where he kept his drugs, he had always said if police come make sure you have nothing around, so what did I do the most disgusting thing I can imagine anyone over doing I made the large step over my brothers limp dead body ad made it to his closet to get his huge bags of marijuana and cocaine out of it and brought it to my room before calling my mother who called the police. Long story short the police never found the drugs, ruled his death a suicide, and everyone was told to move on without him in our lives.
I did more than just move on, I wasn’t satisfied with just moving on I guess, so what did I do I began hanging out with his friends and darn right I continued his business as well. So now you have a 14-year-old boy selling cocaine and marijuana hanging out with 21 yr olds the perfect life right? Wrong! They say rule #9 in the drug selling game is “Never get high on your own supply,” well I wish someone would have taught me that rule but somehow I guess I missed it. At the age of 18 I was snorting at least an eight ball a day staying up for2 to 3 days at a time using xanex to fall asleep whenever I was so geeked out I just didn’t wanna function anymore.
They say during your addiction your life span while using can and will only consist of three stages Jail, institutions, and death, oh boy can I attest to those three especially the jails and death. I will not bore you all with all the times I have been to jail and every other drug I have done in my life, but I will tell you this I have done every drug known to man minus heroin over ten times 25 times apiece.
At the age of 23, I was fed up with my cocaine addiction and tried to put my foot down on my addiction on my own, what a big F***ing mistake, LISTEN TO ME, stopping on your own without the aide of an institution or the power of a Narcotics anonymous group is impossible and it will always put your ass in a place 50 times worse than you were before. The next stage of my life was unmanageable and I became completely powerless over my addiction which unknown to me is the first of the 12-step program N.A. brings to the table. I found myself buying what I now call the DEVIL on the streets oxycontin. You know as I look back on it, I ask myself,” What were you doing asshole”, this fuking pill made me puke multiple times every time I did it but guess what that suit didn’t stop me. I found myself hugging the toilet praying to god to make the sickness go away the payer went something like this “God please take my sickness away and don’t let me overdose on this s**t and I promise you I’ll never do it again”, HA! Than guess what, a miracle happened I stopped puking felt a lot better and within 5 or 10 minutes I would be back crushing up another oxycontin or a line of cocaine talk about spite im the master o spite. This was just not a one time even either it became a normal thing to happen getting high, than getting sick, than praying, witnessing a miracle, than getting high again. During this time I was paying for my addiction by serving tables at a local restaurant chain, and the next phase of my life hit me like a runaway semi, one night at work I was high as hell and I got a couple sat in my section for dinner. I began to woo them like I would always do to anyone in my section at work, by the end of the meal the guy at the table asked me how would you like a new job making six figures a year, like any drug addict dumb ass I walked out of work that night and started working for them man the following Monday. On my first day of work the man wrote me a 20k dollar check and told me to go buy some nice suits and get a new apartment for myself in downtown Delray near my new office career. Ha, office career me working in a office as a commodity and currency broker making a ton of money couldn’t get any better I thought. Little did I know this was the beginning of the end for me? I s**t you not every single person in the office was on the same pills and doing even more cocaine on a daily basis than I was, and guess what they had a doctor that would write me prescriptions for oxycontin and xanex, two prescriptions o month for 120 pills apiece for you people that are clouded that’s 240 F***ing oxycontin and xanex every month, darn was that a blessing, more like a night mare that I had fallen into and was enjoying. My first month in the business I landed a client into the currency market for 1.6 million dollars that made my commission check 160,000 dollars, LET THE GAMES BEGIN! I was partying with my co-workers hard every night, the one eight ball a day turned into 3 or 4. I found my self at strip clubs spending ten thousand dollars a night, nightclubs doing the same. Taking random trips to Vegas spending ridiculous amounts of money. I thought life was great but I was slowly killing myself with every move I made. I got a lot more clients to invest money through my company made a small fortune that if I was smart I could have lived the rest of my life off of but I DEFINITELY was not smart. One client, I will never forget it would be impossible to wipe myself of the shame and guilt of this. His name was Lloyd Wiley and he worked for a company named Wiley Steel so like any clouded mind drug addict I automatically assumed he owned the company, little did I know he was only a mill worker. With his first investment he sent me 456, 000 dollars, I managed to lose it all for him within 2 weeks the man was devastated and I knew it hurt him but I began to sell him again assuring him there was noone else in the world who wanted to make that money back for him more than me. Being the great salesman that I was he sent me another 350k and guess what he got the same result, lost every dime he had. Little did I know but what Lloyd had done the first time was clear out his own retirement fund, after losing that the 2nd time I called him and got him to send more money, what he did was clear his wife’s retirement fund out as well, and now I had left this man with nothing. After a few days of not hearing from Lloyd I decided to give him a call the phone was answered bya very distraught and upset wife screaming at me telling me that I had done the unthinkabl and had a big role in the suicide of Lloyd he haddecided to end his life after I had drained his life savings. No need to be said but this mentally and spiritually drained me ands this was the beggeining of the end for me. My life as I knew it would shortly change for the better .
The next part of my story is the end of my nightmare, the continuing downward spiral of everyone I associated myself with, and the begening of a life I could never imagined possible in recovery. About a week before I went into the greatest recovery program God could have given me my best friend and drug using buddy overdosed on oxycontin and his fight with addiction was over. This took another huge toll on me , and I had mae a decision at that time that I was not going to let that happen to me in any way shape or form . I decided to turn myself and my will over to the care of God and check myself into a 28 day drug rehabilitation center, I can honestly tell you that this was not my choice it was a higher power greater than me that ahd decided it was my time . Buti can tell you it was the best thing I could ever have done the program was amazing , it has changed my life I have been reborn and now I wish to carry my experience, strength, and hope they have given to me to others who are still sick and suffering. During my month of treatment four more of my close friends were taken away from this world due to addcition and the powerful prescription drug oxycontin. These were the toughest obstacles I have ever had to overcome I guess I thought since my sickness and addiction was put to a stop the people around em would stop suffering and boy was I wrong.
Since I have been in recovery and turned my will and my life over to my higher power my life ahs drastically changed for the better, I no loger lok at my life as a burden it has become a blessing. I am anxious to spread my messageto others that are sick and suffering like me, letting them know there is amuch better spiritual way of life out there, and they don’t have to live in sorrow and depression any longer. If you are interested in my help you can email me at Intrvntiontime@aol.com, I look forward to hearing from you and adding some experience, strength and hope in all of your lives. God Bless!
God grant me the Serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the Courage to change the things that I can, and the Wisdom to know the difference
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