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I'm 21 years old and I have an absolutely outstanding little girl. My life is pretty bland, I live day-to-day as a full time mommy, student and part time personal assistant. Personally, it works for me. My mother has been attempting to drag me along to a "celebrate recovery" thing that they do in her church as of late, after thinking about it I found that I'm not really ready to out myself in front of so many people who've known me for ages. That's when I found this. Perhaps if I can start by tell you, the random people online whom i do not have to face in the morning, about my issues i'll be more willing to open up to those around me.
I have a sexual addiction. For some reason I feel that I am worthless in all other aspects of a relationship and that If i'm not satisfying the man sexually then i'm just a waste of time. This all started when I was raped at the age of 15, i think. I've tried desperately to overcome this feeling of worthlessness and thought that I nearly had it beat until my fiance left me for some beautiful little blond. So, now i'm bitter, angry, right back to where i started with this whole worthless thing and totally lost. I also feel the need to be hurt physically quite often. I got into the BDSM scene for a while as a switch, but quit after some friends found out about it. I still avoid that conversation. I don't cut or anything, I don't like hurting myself. But I do feel like i need to be beat up, this is something that is normally tied in with the sexual issues I have, i'm sure.
I have my moments where I just want to scream out my issues and hope that someone will come and tell me how normal this is, then tell me what button to push to make it go away. Sadly, I know that this won't happen and that it's up to me to push this button. So....this is my first step, this is me saying "I need help, i need support, and i need to know that i'm not the only one."
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